Departure

At the tender age of 18, fresh out of high school I left my country to live in North America. I had faint memories of living there when I was a child but could not make sense of what was awaiting me there. I had no idea what I wanted to do or why I was being shipped there. I was just going with the flow I guess. A fresh start, adolescence is always an awkwardly intense time for everyone. I was looking forward to a new experience though. Little did I know this would be such an intense experience: I discovered the beauty in loneliness.

Whatever the circumstances that brought me to be with myself for an extended period of time, was always there because I need it. Being in that state, I was left with nothing but my inner voices. Sometimes what I would hear would be pleasing, sometimes not. I later understood there is a reason why my heart sang that particular song, I had to learn to be open and understand the wisdom behind it. I still am learning.

Living in an a place of constant distraction, it was so easy to avoid listening to that inner voice, speaking to me for my highest good. Just like anything in my life, loneliness could either weaken or strengthen me. I chose strength, inner strength. Some deliberately take time to be alone, I did not have a choice. Being alone can be a challenge, and now I understand that the challenges I faced were there because I had what it took to overcome them. And just like any challenge in life, it takes a certain amount of courage, strength and determination to deal with them in order to reap all the positive benefits. Taking the time to reflect and to look at myself authentically was one of the simplest and hardest thing I could have ever done. I realized spent too much of my time and energy comparing myself to others, grooming myself to meet the standards others have set for me and in the process, I lost myself completely. All of that just to be accepted, which all in all, is not a bad thing but there was an uneasy feeling about it, I knew there was something wrong. Emotions are like indicators that tells us if we are on the right track or not. Dealing with my own negative emotions was no easy task, but it is there because I had created it. Regardless where it came from it was my responsibility to deal with them in order for me to be free.